Often I think I am not meant for it.

Maybe I could fall for someone. Just maybe. The thing is that, I love the idea of love but not being into love. And I am not interested in falling in love, because I am not capable. And I can’t.

But to be frank, I envy love and those who are in love. It is quite beautifully challenging being in love, right? But it is not that I am afraid of challenges also. I love challenges but not that love kind of challenges. I accept that love is rare. And it probably won’t happen to me. Maybe, love is not for me.

I am a kind of girl who appreciates love but doesn’t want to be in it. Because I am not interested in opening up all of the pieces of my heart and let someone fill the gap in it. I just don’t want it. And I feel that I am okay with it. Or maybe, I am just not ready for that.

But believe me, love looks incredible. And at times I think to myself that I can go for it. But then I realize that people judge me before they even know me. That’s why I’m better off alone. And I can’t let people judge me for who I am. I can’t break myself and search for someone to put the pieces into the place.

Maybe, I am happy for where I am without it. I am not capable of making someone else blend the colors of their life with colors of my life.

When people ask me why I run away from this beautiful thing called love, I am left swirling with the question in my brain. I am left questioning everything. And you know, I have difficult time with this world. Often I think I am not meant for it.